Problems: How to Stop Having Them Now
So many of us believe that once we:
Make a certain amount of money
Find the perfect partner
Move into a larger home
Figure out what we’re passionate about
That all our problems will end.
You’ll still have problems.
Here’s why and how you can liberate yourself from this dream stealing cycle.
1. Stop thinking you have a problem
If you’re focused on a future that you’re making responsible for your happiness
You’re bringing that expectation into your future.
Your future doesn’t make you happy - you make you happy.
Stretching, reaching, hoping and dreaming of a future that’s better than your present doesn’t work.
This is why so many people reach this future place and are still miserable.
I experienced this too.
I noticed that when I looked at the circumstances on my life - the circumstances I intentionally created - and found problems there
I was creating problems.
But I thought I was creating my dreams.
Now I know more deeply what I think will become my reality.
If I think something is a problem than it’s a problem.
This is how I’ve changed this “problem” in my life.
Notice your thoughts NOW about your life NOW.
Changing your circumstance may temporarily change how you feel,
But this is only because you’re thinking differently.
You don’t need to change your circumstances to think differently.
You can just choose to think differently.
If you’re miserable at your current job you may want to quit your job.
You’re making you job responsible for how you feel.
But you feel the way you do because of how you’re thinking about your job.
You can still quit your job, but change your thoughts about your current job first.
LOVE your current job.
Love that you get a paycheck.
Love that you have cool co-workers.
Find anything to love about your job.
Then decide if you want to leave it.
What this allows is for you to make decisions because you want to -
Not because you need to change your circumstances to feel better.
Feel better now and you’re setting yourself up to feel better in the long run.
2. Let there be difficult days
Pretending or trying not to have it be difficult is causing you so much more difficulty.
The human experience is going to be a full spectrum of emotion.
You want this.
Each day is an opportunity to assign your emotions to the circumstances in your life.
ou’re annoyed because of what you husband did or didn’t do.
You’re overwhelmed because of work.
You’re grateful because of the Nanny.
When you create a story to justify your emotions you’re creating a problem.
The problem is you’re making your feelings - good or bad - dependent on an outside circumstance and you can’t control circumstances.
You’re going to go on an emotional rollercoaster each time a circumstance in your life shifts.
What if you just allowed all your emotions without editing your story?
What if you let them be separate?
What if you decided to love you job no matter what because you want to be a person that loves their job.
Even when you experience difficult emotions.
Let life be difficult and you’ll get through it with more ease.
It is possible to have experience positive emotions in difficult times.
Here’s How I’ve found the ease in negative emotion:
Believing that something isn’t supposed to be separates you from what is.
You’re not living in reality when you’re arguing with it.
This IS suffering.
When you can allow all of life - the good and the bad - you free yourself from the struggle of believing it should be different.
Notice when you start to tell a story to explain an emotion.
How much time and energy is this taking?
Practice not spinning a story about how you feel.
Then go on your path doing what adds to the story you want to tell.
Even with the positive emotions.
Feel them without assigning them to a circumstance.
They’re your emotions to feel.
Not reasons to justify your life.
When you allow your emotions without making it mean anything about your amazing life,
You’re free to live your amazing life and feel the spectrum of the amazing human experience.
This is Joy.
3. Compare and Despair
I remember learning at a very young age that there will always be:
Those I am more talented than and those I am less talented than.
Those I am more beautiful than and those I am less beautiful than.
Those I am happier than and those I am less happier than.
I visualized myself on a line with other’s on either side of me.
There wasn’t much room to move - and I was where I was.
This set me up to compare myself with those around me;
I was limited to existing in a maze of mirrors.
Trying to make sense of who I am by trying to make sense of who you are.
This was miserable - and confining.
Fortunately I found a better way.
Here’s how I’ve stop comparing:
I opened up to experiencing us all as One.
I no longer saw a line I fell onto with others on either side of me.
Instead I saw myself on a spiral that I moved up on when I remembered that there isn’t anyone else.
There’s only my perception of anyone else.
If my perception of others is less or more than my perception of myself then I fall back onto the line.
I forget we are One.
When there is no one to compare myself to except myself - I get to move up the spiral.
I am free to be Me.
Without comparing, I can experience me in my life cleanly and clearly.
And how I think of others is more clear and clean as well.
We are all worthy, wonderful and amazing.
Not because of how we compare,
Because of who we open ourselves up to being when we don’t.
If you’re running a business in the new, regulated market and are facing problems you want to overcome
I can help.
I’m facilitating a workshop on 4/13/19 at the Inn at 2nd and C in Eureka from 10 - 4.
I love believing in you.