The Working Mom: Why Trying to Find Balance is Causing You Grief and What to do Instead.
We’re always trying to find the Balance.
It’s an ongoing process and takes a lot of energy.
Imagine your life and everything in it on a disk that’s centered on a point.
And you a top the disk moving through your life.
As the disk tips and you react to keep it in balance.
When you think you need balance you resist the feelings of imbalance.
Remember your feelings are created by your thoughts.
Our lives don’t exist on a disk perched on a point lying vulnerably in inevitable disaster.
You can handle so much more than you give yourself credit for.
Instead of the balanced mindset so many of us at struggling with
Where Balanced focuses on the external - what needs to be balanced in order for there to be homeostasis
Centered focuses on you.
If you’re the point itself, it’s always balanced if you’re always centered.
Here is how you can get into this Centered Mindset:
1. Before you change your circumstance, change your thought
When you react to your negative emotions - in this case:
you’re reacting to your circumstances so you can feel better. You’re rushing around your life trying to rearrange things and bring them into “balance”.
Work, School and activity schedules
This is very time consuming and exhausting.
Believing your life is something that needs to be balanced is creating so much tension for you.
There is no such thing as a balanced life.
There is only you Centered in your life.
Invest your time and energy into who you are in your life and you will remained Centered.
Learn how to allow your emotions without reacting to them. Notice the story you’re telling about why you are feeling this way.
Notice how the story inspires you to change your circumstance. Even if you don’t change anything, notice your desire for it to be different.
“If it was different, There would be more of a balance”
Now decide what you need to think about YOU to feel centered.
Notice your thoughts about yourself:
What you’re capable of
What you’re capacity is
How confident you are
To be centered in your big, full life your thoughts must align with your big, full life.
This is Centered.
2. Learn to let everyone else have their emotions
I believe this is the greatest skill a working mom can have.
So many of us are unaware of our automatic believe that we’re responsible for our loved one’s emotions.
This is rooted in people pleasing.
We don’t think we people please our children and husbands, we just believe it’s our job to keep everyone happy.
This is a lie.
It isn’t your job to make sure your children and husband are happy.
They get to feel whatever they want - and thinking they can’t or it’s your job to change how they feel is called
People Pleasers want other people to feel good so they can feel good.
People Pleasers invest their energy in doing things they believe will create positive emotions in others.
They use their time and energy trying to make other people feel a certain way.
This is crazy.
Do things for others because to makes you feel good. And notice if your loved ones like it too. Watch how you’re confusing their positive emotions with your worth.
This may be an indicator that there is something you need to do for yourself that builds your own worth, confidence and purpose.
When you do this nothing can shake it.
When you “fail” to make others happy you’re making their reaction to what you think they need determine your worth.
This is so confusing.
Instead, do what feels good for you, what adds to your value and worth and show top from this place.
This is Centered.
3. Instead of thinking about all the pieces, think about your strategy
Soccer practice, piano lessons, business meetings, report deadlines, date night, bathroom remodels, etc.
Isn’t it interesting how we suffer through our abundance?
This happens when we predetermine how much time we have and what we want to get done in that amount of time.
It turns into a battle of time scarcity vs. opportunity abundance.
Stop thinking this way.
Be the one who puts all the opportunities into a process that end with the result you want.
Why are the kids paying soccer?
Why are you writing this report?
Why are you remodeling the bathroom?
Make sure you love your reasons why.
Then decide you want it.
If you don’t, then you need to reassess the opportunities your taking in your life.
Create a schedule to accommodate all the things and stick to the schedule.
Sure, things will come up, but this isn’t causing an “inbalance”
How you think about it does.
You get to decide each and every day if your strategy is working or not.
It’s up to you to create the strategy you implement.
If you’re a mom building a business in the cannabis industry and you want to move into Centered
I can help.
I’m facilitating a workshop on 4/13/19 from 10 - 4 in Eureka
I love believing in you.