Being Mom: How I went from not enough to more than enough
Being the parent I want to be is an ongoing practice.
I used to struggle with the back and forth;
one moment feeling like I was winning and then suddenly - like I was failing.
Failing all of us.
This created an overwhelming belief that I wasn’t good enough - for any of it.
I wasn’t a good enough Mom or Entrepreneur.
I wasn’t a good enough Partner, Land Steward or Friend.
I wasn’t good at being me.
This whole dream and all the steps I’ve taken to get into it seemed like a big, fat lie.
Do you ever feel this way?
Today, I can confidently say the sudden jolts of the rollercoaster has eased into a more predictable ride through a mountainous pass.
There are still surprises, but for the most part, it’s beautiful and I’m well equipped to handle most challenges.
I still fail, believe me.
But they are fewer and further apart.
I’m going share how I went from thinking I’m not enough to knowing I’m more than enough.
1. Allow the feeling when you experience it.
When my children were doing things that I didn’t want them to do, I often reacted in anger.
I was angry, but instead of allowing the anger, I became it.
I would yell or physically separate my child from what they were doing.
I would get the result I wanted - they stopped doing what I didn’t want them to do,
But it didn’t happen with an awareness and presence that provided them the opportunity to notice why they were doing what I had asked them not to do.
Nor did it provide me an opportunity to notice why I expected certain things from them.
I blamed my children for how I felt, which caused me to feel even more out of control and separate from them and the parent I wanted to be.
This is a pattern I see so many parents struggle with.
They’re fine until they’re not.
Our brains are wired to react to sudden and disturbing situations.
So when the kids are suddenly jumping on the couch, where your freshly folded laundry rests, wearing their muddy rain boots -
Yeah, your brain FREAKS OUT.
The reason it’s so hard to stop yelling is the same reason it’s so hard to stop any habit.
It’s a habit.
Your children aren’t in the habit of being bad - you’re in the habit of reacting to your emotions.
So why do you do?
It isn’t easy, but it’s simple:
Allow the emotion you’re reacting to before you react to it.
Remember you’re not your emotion - it is just a vibration going through your body.
Yes, this can feel unbearable, but the more you allow it, the less intense it feels.
When you allow the emotion, something else happens.
2. Notice your automatic thought - and change it to something better
When I allowed the anger I noticed the thought causing it:
“They aren’t suppose to be acting this way”
“They’re supposed to do what I ask.”
These thought caused my anger.
My children were really good at doing what I asked them not to do.
I made it mean something must be wrong with them or with me.
This added pain to an already tricky circumstance.
These thoughts are what I was reacting in anger to - not their behavior.
How do I know?
Sometimes I would laugh at their behavior. Sometimes I would do it with them.
We would roll in a pile of silliness, tickling and laughing and then we’d clean up together.
This always felt really good.
But often I would be reacting.
This didn’t feel good.
The only thing that was different were my thoughts.
I decided to create a new thought I could tell myself about my children -
and I practiced it all the time.
It became my Mantra:
“This is exactly how they’re supposed to act.”
How do I know?
Because they are.
If this is how they’re acting, this is how they’re supposed to be acting.
Now, how do I want to respond?
Before, I was always trying to change the circumstance: my children’s behavior.
This wasn’t helpful to any of us.
Now I’m better at letting them behave how they behave and responding to the situation instead of reacting to it.
3. Remain an Imperfect Human
I’m going to mess up sometimes - and I tell my children this.
When I do, I apologize for my behavior and move on.
I move on completely because I know I acted exactly how I was supposed to act.
If I didn’t like my behavior I can decide how I can improve it.
It’s all on me.
They didn’t make me feel a certain way or take a certain action.
My thoughts did.
I’m not perfect.
Neither are you - or anyone.
So I’ve decided to think I’m an imperfect human doing more than enough.
I’m always full - and so are my children.
If you’re a Mompreneur in the Cannabis Industry and you’re ready to be MORE than enough
I can help
I’m facilitating a workshop on 4/13/19 at the Inn at 2nd and C in Eureka from 10 - 4.
I love believing in you.