There's no Patriarchy Here: 3 Ways to Be Free From The Struggle
I’ve been talking with a lot of women about what it’s like to be in the cannabis industry.
Many of them complain they’re not seen or heard; that men don’t appreciate or recognize their value.
They’re overlooked and passed over for jobs they’re more than qualified to do.
They say that because they’re a woman they’re less likely to receive funding. Approximately 35% of companies are owned by Women, but they receive 2% of the funding available.
Then there’s the sexualization of women used to market products.
Some of the women I’ve been talking to believe that this is how men see women in this industry; as a means to profit.
For the women growers who work long hours in a very “unsexy” environment cultivating cannabis they’re angry at the images going around social media depicting female growers as busty, scantily clad, made up sex symbols.
These are words of Women from my own community and throughout the country. They come from diverse backgrounds and demographics. I know this struggle is real for them.
But it isn’t for me.
The patriarchy is real.
I am not denying this.
But I also believe choice IS always our number one super power.
Deciding what we choose to think about ANYTHING has a direct impact on how we experience EVERYTHING.
Including deep, unconscious, pervasive societal customs, systems and norms.
I’m going to share with you a bit about how I think about The Patriarchy, being a Woman and crafting my Life.
1. Taking FULL Responsibility
I’ve never let what anyone says to me, how someone acts toward me, or any opportunities I’ve had mean anything other than what I decide to make it mean.
This IS what taking responsibility is.
I received an email a few weeks ago, from a Man, who said,
“Obviously you started smoking weed when you were 12, you can't even spell "weed" correctly in the first sentence. And using drugs since a child isn't something you should brag about or make people want to join your cause.”
I make a typo in an email that included a link to my story about my cannabis use starting at an early age. It was a vulnerable post and I shared it with my list.
I replied thanking him for pointing out the typo and responding with a short explanation for my reason sharing my story, which I guessed he didn’t even read. I closed with “Love, Sarah”
I was 100% sincere and coming from a place of love.
I never once made his email mean anything about me being a woman and him being a man. I didn’t once think he doesn’t see me or value me.
What I do believe is that he must be suffering.
He’s unable to understand his own vulnerability, own his own story or to share what’s true for him. He doesn’t see himself.
Making him responsible for my place in the world -
Requiring ANYONE to validate me and my work-
Determining HOW I show up based on whether or not I think I’m accepted
Is how we, as Women - but really, AS HUMANS - give our power away.
The patriarchy isn’t something that’s held and practiced by Men against Women. It’s a mental construct that’s kept alive by anyone who feeds it: Perpetrator or Victim.
A woman can be the perpetrator and a man can be the victim.
In the example above I believe he’s the victim, not me. He’s also the perpetrator.
Because I didn’t engage with it, he’s creating this struggle for himself against himself.
Because I decided at a young age to NOT ENGAGE with this mentality I’m not a Victim of it.
Taking 100% responsibility for the circumstances in my life and how I Think, Feel and Behave because of these circumstances has allowed me to be free from belief systems that don’t serve me.
This doesn’t mean I’m free from any struggle.
It simply means I take responsibility for this struggle. I decide what work I’ll do unravelling myself from the deep, unconscious, pervasive societal customs, systems and norms.
2. Stepping into My Power
Taking 100% responsibility for how I think about the circumstances in my life builds power.
When I choose thoughts that create an emotion that serves me; the vibrations I want to carry most in this human experience - I am Power.
When I take action from these emotions I do powerful things.
None of this has anything to do with what anyone else says, does or believes about me - positive or negative.
I’ve seen it again and again - not just in my own life but in other people’s lives:
When you don’t believe you’re not any less capable or valuable than anyone else AND when You don’t believe you’re any more capable or valuable than anyone else - you’re free to do anything.
When we vilify anyone for a perceived violation against us, we’re denouncing their human worth and value. Really, we NEVER know their pain, loss and disempowerment, which is their experience.
Judging their actions without considering The Human is doing a disservice to you and them.
When we feel attacked or devalued and make someone else responsible for how we feel we are giving them our power.
If you fully valued yourself, if you never turned your back on yourself then you wouldn’t even think this is what someone else is doing “to you”.
There’s a huge difference between being unconscious of pervasive societal customs, systems and norms and deciding to consciously not engage with pervasive societal customs, systems and norms.
When you do anything consciously you’re existing in what IS.
THIS is reality, which is what you decide it is in each moment.
So many of us believe that things are the way they are.
But they’re the way they are because we continue to believe that this is the way they are.
THIS IS THE PATRIARCHY.
What I’ve practiced and allows me to stay in my power is this:
When I feel any strong emotion and notice that I’m making anyone other than myself responsible for how I feel it’s an indicator that this is my edge.
THIS is where I get to dig in and ask myself, “How am I not allowing myself to feel this and why?”
3. Feeling ALL my emotions
An emotion is a vibration in your body.
It can’t hurt you, unless you’re avoiding or resisting it.
When you don’t allow an emotion or vibration to move thought your body it settles as energy. This energy, over time, becomes matter in your physical form.
This is how avoiding or resisting emotion hurts you.
Dis-ease, pain and illness are often manifestations of the emotions you’re not allowing.
But more important, the actions you do or don’t take because you’re avoiding or resisting your emotions is what creates the covert, unconscious daily suffering we as humans experience.
We drink alcohol, take drugs, overeat, over socialize, hide, medicate - instead of feeling.
We blame, fight, argue, play victim, tell stories - instead of taking decisive action.
This is our pain.
This is THE PATRIARCHY.
It isn’t happening to you.
You’re allowing it.
This is THE BEST NEWS I HAVE FOR YOU.
Because you can STOP.
You can decide, right now, to end the resistance.
4. Being The Change I wish to See in The World
I work each and every day on allowing my emotions.
his means I practice Acceptance.
Acceptance is the antithesis of resisting, fighting, shutting down, cutting off.
Acceptance is one of the most powerful practices because it keeps you in reality.
Believing that things shouldn’t be the way they are; that this person, those words, our society is wrong and needs to change isn’t serving anyone.
This creates Lacking.
It’s Never Enough.
In truth, when we don’t accept WHAT IS we’re arguing with reality.
We and everything we see is insufficient.
I’m not saying things can’t change and we can’t be the catalyst for massive change.
We certainly can.
What I’m saying is that the change we’re seeking doesn’t come from fighting and resisting. This just creates more fighting and resisting.
Haven’t you noticed?
The change we’re seeking comes from:
Acceptance and Noticing,
Compassion and Unconditional Love,
Clear and Conscious Action.
When you can do this in your life, for yourself, you can do it for others.
THIS IS HOW WE END THE PATRIARCHY.
Through Being and Practicing ENOUGH.
Who do you want to be and what do you want to believe?
It’s time, My Friend.